Vickie
A Lonely Mother

My exposure to bipolar disorder began over 21 years ago.  My absolutely beautiful, vivacious daughter’s anger, sadness, violence, disobedience and suicidal ideations have been some of the too-many-to-mention symptoms of this debilitating disease. 

At 12 years old she began to show signs of depression.  An antidepressant was prescribed, but I could not make her take it.  During those early years she spent very little time in school; found friends that were hopeless runaways; she also began to run away; and got into trouble with authorities by joyriding in a car of a friend’s parents while they were vacationing in Hawaii.  All of this led to a three month stay in Juvenile Hall.  Her mood swings were monitored while there; she was kept on medication; journaling was encouraged; and she and I were provided therapy. 

My daughter has always been such a loving person.  She finally began to love herself and tried to stabilize her moods.  Still not being properly diagnosed at the age of 21 she sold everything to move across the country and live with a new friend (basically a stranger). During this adventure she tried to kill herself and was checked into a mental health facility.  Her return to our home gave me the ability to give her some emotional support.  Down the road, more suicidal tendencies, more running away to other cities, only to find she could not get out of bed for days, she was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

At 31 she felt the need to be “normal” and met and married her husband.  She immediately tried to have a family, which meant getting off medication. She lost the pregnancy then unsuccessfully tried in vitro fertilization.  She is now trying to re-stabilize and is having a terrible time getting the right mixture of medications.  Her husband is a help, but is not willing to educate himself regarding this disease.  I feel that this disease will never allow my beautiful daughter to live in her own skin.  My prayer daily is that she and her psychiatrist can find the proper medications to get her out of bed and keep her on the ground when she is out of bed.  I also pray daily that I can continue to be there for her – the rest of the family is unable and unwilling to understand this disease.