Toni
Fighting the Illness
My story starts as far back as I can remember. I have always felt that
I was the odd one. The majority of my life has been spent suffering
from depression and constant mood swings. Often times I would find
myself near suicide. Now that I have made it to the age of
twenty-five, I have realized that I do have a real problem. This past
week I was diagnosed for the first time with bipolar disorder. What a
relief to it was for me to hear a name given to my life-long problem.
For years I thought I was evil and possessed! Now I know that I have
been suffering from a mental illness that affects many. I am still
going through treatment. Trying to find the right medicine for me is
like trying to find that needle in the haystack. My desire is to one
day wake up and enjoy being me.
I would also like to see more study and research
done on depression and manic depression. I know creativity goes hand
in hand in most cases with these illnesses. I am a writer, and I have
been published on poetry.com. I believe that most people with bipolar
disorder not only suffer with this life disabling illness but also
benefit from the depth it gives each of us. I, for one, have been able
to grow spiritually and mentally through many trials and tribulations.
I hope that my suffering will help another person
with this disease. My dream in life is very simple: to be a
contributor to life rather than to take away from it. To all my
brothers and sisters that suffer, I want each of you to know that you
don’t suffer alone and you don’t have to sit there and take it.
There is treatment, there is hope, and there is a new horizon. It is
just a little harder for those of us with this illness to reach our
destination in life, but our battles can be victorious and our goals
can be reached.
This illness has nearly taken my life. As it is now
I do not work (I can not, due to the wild episodes of mania). Some
days it is a true battle to get up in the morning and some days I am
up from sun-down to sun-up. But however my story should end, I plan to
have fought a good fight.
The depression I can handle, but the mood swings and
mania are more than I can bear most days. I fight daily to live among
others. I fight continuously to hold my head up. And I hope to one day
conquer this demon, this illness!
