I don't remember having any behavior problems when I was young, but I do remember that any occupation I was interested in was somewhat dangerous, e.g., stuntman, martial artist, and that I would pursue things in a very intense and risky manner, even as a child. People who knew my family would describe me in one of two ways: "very intelligent" or "crazy and not right." Eventually, I started to question why people would say things like that, and started seeing differences between me and my friends.

The trouble began during my adolescent years – I was drinking when manic, using cocaine when depressed and very promiscuous. I had gone to many different doctors who, I felt, were unwilling to put forth the time and effort to help me or direct me to someone that could. So I gave up trying to find a doctor.

During that time, I married and had a child. We were divorced five months after the marriage began. A short time later I met another woman, dated her, moved in with her and had a daughter. I continued to show consistent signs of behavioral problems, so my mother decided to find a doctor for me. For some reason I gave it one more try.

I thank God to this day that I did. I started seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist who listened to me and observed me for an entire year before giving me a diagnosis. They told me they wanted to be sure before making a diagnosis so I wouldn't be put on medication I didn't need. I went through various medications over a long period of time trying to find what worked the best for me.

My girlfriend (the mother of my daughter) was very supportive of me during this time, even though we were poor because I could not keep a job. Under law in our state, I had to pay child support even though we lived together. I fell behind and had to appear in front of a judge. When he found out I was diagnosed as bipolar he said, "Why are people like you having kids?" Needless to say I was in shock. But that is what you run into when there is ignorance in the world. I was pretty used to it, but not from a judge.

As time passed, we found the right combination of medications and I began to feel better with a new and clearer outlook on life. After getting used to my new outlook and becoming more and more sociable I decided that I no longer needed my medication. That was a mistake. I fell back into the same trouble and mental state as before. It is a very frightening thing to taste clarity for the first time in your life and then feel it slowly slip away as the medication wears off. Now I take my medication regularly despite how I may feel.