I grew up with a mother that had manic depressive illness. This past year I was diagnosed with depression. I think it started two years ago when I lost my baby. I never talked about it to anyone. I also had to deal with my Grandmother going into the hospital constantly ever since I was five. Every time she went in, there was the possibility that she wouldn’t come out.

My mother was always telling me she would do something and then wouldn't do it or wouldn’t show up. My father and haven't had a real relationship until I was sixteen. Once I was a teenager I felt that I was in the way of my Grandmother and my Aunt, I felt that I was holding them back.

Three years ago I moved in with my fiancé, but it's been very difficult. We have moved several times and have gotten into debt already. I am always worried that something will happen financially and we won't be able to handle it together. Sometimes I feel that I'm not good enough for my family and my fiancé. I know that I am, but when things get rough I blame myself. I say that I didn't try hard enough or I didn't get a good enough job to support both of us.

Last month I attempted suicide because I was convinced that everyone was unhappy because of me, that I was ruining their lives. I have started counseling and am on antidepressants. I still think like that sometimes, but I have to remind myself that it doesn't matter what others think, as long as I do things to make myself happy in the long run. I hope others out there will read this and it will help them in someway or another.