I thought I knew all about mental illness and I was so wrong.

Today, as a survivor of my husband’s suicide, I know much more. I know how families can help patients even though we cannot control whether they accept or treat their illness.

I always thought I knew what a mental illness was because my grandmother supposedly had schizophrenia and was hospitalized periodically throughout my life.

When I met my late husband he told me he had obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and had made a previous suicide attempt. Long story short, I didn't care, even after his bipolar disorder became evident and he began to have manic episodes, hallucinations, depression, suicide attempts, and became totally different from the man I fell in love with. I loved him and I always will.

My previous exposure to mental illness gave me a false sense of security and confidence in my ability to deal with a loved one’s mental illness. But I didn’t know about bipolar disorder or how to deal with it.

I encourage all family and friends who love someone with bipolar disorder to learn as much as you can about the illness. No, you cannot change the person, or force them to accept their diagnosis. But, for your own sanity and coping ability you need to learn about the illness and different behavioral and pharmaceutical treatment choices available to your loved one so you can help them make informed decisions and choices when they are ready.

I have learned so much about bipolar since my husband's death and while I cannot change what has happened to us, I can help educate other people. I am working toward my bachelor’s degree in mental health and social work so that I can do this as a career.