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Nicole
After a few months of my depression symptoms getting
worse and worse and the suicidal ideation getting stronger and stronger,
I decided to hospitalize myself. I practically had to convince the doctor that saw me in the emergency
room that I would commit suicide if he didn’t admit me. I know they
wanted me to wait it out and see what they could do in outpatient
first and give the medicine the chance to kick in. At that point
though I couldn’t sleep or eat and couldn’t get the suicidal
thoughts out of my head, even for a second.
Being hospitalized was one of the scariest things I ever did, but
looking back on it now I believe it was really what I needed. I not
only needed medication and a safe place, but I needed some intensive
therapy, some ideas of ways to release some feelings, and I needed a
chance to figure out what my next steps would be when I was released.
I still use things they taught me there every day.
I'm not saying it was easy - and I never want to do it again, but
the staff was really nice and very well trained. Not at all like the
horror stories you sometimes here. We were on a pretty rigid schedule
from about 7am to 7pm. I needed that though. It didn't give me time to
dwell - instead it gave me something productive to focus my attention
on - like getting better. It was also nice that during our group
sessions day treatment patients came in so it created a higher
functioning group which was a lot less scary for me.
It's not an easy decision to make, but I think if you're in a good
facility and willing to make changes in your life, it can be the best
thing for you.
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