I have been hospitalized twice due to depression. The first time was in May of 1995. In the two years leading up to my hospitalization, four of my close relatives died violently or by their own hand. 

While in the hospital, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features and a personality disorder that was not specified. My stay in the hospital was very short, and I did not really gain anything from it, because I did not think anything was wrong with me.   

In May of 2000, I got married and had two beautiful children. Unfortunately, we divorced in October of 2002. Last April, I started having psychotic features again, and I believed I might hurt my children, which scared me to death.  So, again I checked myself into the hospital.

I was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychotic features. My stay in the hospital was much longer, and I got more out of it the second time around.   The main problem I had was accepting the reality that I had a problem. The second part was accepting the fact that I needed to stay on medication to keep myself better. I have been involved with a support group through the mental health clinic here for almost a year, and it has been beneficial to me. Also, I am with three on-line support groups discussing bipolar disorder.  

Right now I'm trying different ways to express myself. I have taken up writing poetry, which I have never done before, so that is a new beginning for me. I am actually quite surprised at the words and feelings that come out when I write.