Korey 
Life will get better

Five years ago, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.  At that time I was 18 and on top of the world. I was fresh out of high school.  Soon, the world I called home became strange, irrational and filled with drugs and sex.  I felt like nothing could touch me.  I was using drugs, having sex with both men and women, and drinking alcohol like each day was my last.  I felt high.  I felt a connection with God.  I felt that my world was another dimension, separate from any reality that I knew existed.  My world was far from everyone else's and I felt comfortable in it. 

Regardless of all this, I had never felt as alone as I felt then.  All I wanted was a simple understanding from someone.  I wanted someone to feel my pain.  So I suppose subconsciously, I made everyone’s lives around me miserable.  My temper was short, my aggression grew hostile, and self-mutilation was becoming common.  I stayed in the “I don’t care anymore” mood.  I stopped taking my medication.  Then started doing more drugs, and eventually lost all rational thinking. 

As time went on I started learning from my mistakes. Now I’m correctly medicated and have actually been in a committed nine-month long relationship with someone.  That may not seem like a long time to some people, but many of us who have the disorder understand how hard it is to stay in a relationship.  I have a job that I am happy with and a future I can actually foresee.  I am a painter, and have chosen to finally use my god-given gift to succeed in the present life. 

I know it’s hard sometimes.  I know it hurts sometimes.  To feel so alone, so helpless, so angry, so bitter, and so exhausted.  But it gets better, I promise you. 

I thought things would never get better.  I have the scars on my wrists to remind me every day where I’ve been.  Today I’ve blossomed into a happier being and am rationally re-connected with the social world. 

Please stick with your treatment.  Your life WILL get better.