Kelly
It finally makes sense
A month
ago, I woke up and just could not get out of bed. I had meetings
scheduled for the day, responsibilities to attend to but none of this
mattered. All I could think about was staying under the covers and not
talking to anyone. I stayed in this state for three days and as my work
piled up and my husband grew increasingly concerned I knew I had to do
something about this. I made an appointment to see my family doctor.
The clocked ticked away and reminded me that I had
to leave the house, I could feel the anxiety in my stomach. I thought
long and hard about what I would say to the doctor - that I had the flu?
Maybe a glandular fever... then it dawned on me. I'd had bouts of
staying in bed before and feigned flu symptoms to explain it to people
but now, the symptoms seemed obvious - I had depression. I had never
admitted it before and I don't know why.
So I went to see the doctor, and in tears I
explained my symptoms - sleeplessness, anxiety, loss of motivation and
low energy levels. She asked about my family history and again the
realization hit me - my father had committed suicide. The doctor told me
I was suffering from clinical depression, and because of my family
history, she wanted to prescribe antidepressants.
I couldn't believe that it had taken me so long to
arrive at this place. I had been a functioning person with depression
for so long, except for a few bouts each year of being bedridden.
I had always explained these episodes to others and to myself as a flu
or migraine.
The antidepressants are working well, although I
still have to drag myself out of bed sometimes. I feel liberated that I
have come to terms with having depression and now I am so much kinder to
myself. The times that I have taken to my bed in the past were
times of extreme pressure in my professional life. I have always been an
incredibly high achiever and continuously pushed myself past my limits.
I thought this was brave! I won't let it happen again, I have resolved
to be kinder to myself. When I start to feel low, I get loads of sleep
and I find that this helps. I have also stopped drinking alcohol
and found this to be a wise move. Another thing that helps a great
deal is exercise - especially in the morning - I have to battle my mind
to get up and at 'em!
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