I am 34, married, the mother of two, and finally accepting the fact that I have bipolar disorder. There have been many times when I have dealt with and been treated for depression of varying degrees. For some reason, I was much more comfortable with the label "depression" than "manic depression," even though I had exhibited manic episodes.

The two main manic episodes were related to medication I was taking for another chronic condition, asthma. When I had to go on oral steroids, my breathing improved, but my mood went through the roof; it was like I was on speed. At first it was a thrill, then it just got exhausting and scary. Within the last year, I experienced a gradual slide up the steep slope to mania "all on my own" (not being on oral steroids), which has made me face the two sides of my illness. The manic times are the hardest for me to accept and the hardest on my loved ones, especially my husband. When I am revved up, he is my enemy, in my mind. But it is not true. It's just my manic, distorted perception of reality.

In truth, my husband is a loving and patient man who has stood by me and cared for me through my own ups and downs as well as life's normal ups and downs. We love each other and our children dearly. We met at 17, and have been married 11 years. Still, day by day we are trying to find tools and strategies for managing my illness and our family life.

Over the past ten years, I have been hospitalized twice, and was lucky enough to find a great psychiatrist, who has been my doctor for eight years now. There have been medication changes and adjustments, and I expect that to continue. There are many new findings and new treatments becoming available, which is a source of hope for me. I am no longer denying that I have this illness, but rather, doing all I can to be well and stay well.

I want people to know that there is hope. And that, with care and awareness, I was able to have two very healthy pregnancies, resulting in two very healthy children whom I cherish. Yes, life goes on with bipolar disorder. No, bipolar disorder does not go away. But admitting that you have it or might have it is the biggest step toward getting the help you need.