I have been struggling for years with what I now know
is bipolar II with adult ADD. It’s not easy. You could say I’m in
the beginning stages of treatment, since I was just diagnosed 4 years
ago. It seems I've been on almost every medication there is.
I am 31 and I have 3 kids. Two years ago they were
taken away from me. I was taking five different medications at high
doses, and they weren’t keeping my symptoms under control. I was
drinking, going out dancing all night and having many sexual partners
all the time. My house was a disaster. (I had never been able to keep up
housework.)
My son has ADD. He’s doesn’t have hyperactivity,
but his attention span is very short and I worry he may have bipolar
also. Back then, we argued constantly. We went back and forth, neither
of us knowing it was a disease we were fighting against.
One day my son sneaked out of the house with his
sister. At the time they were seven and four years old. They went
swimming in the nearby park’s pool. Neighbors saw them swimming with
no adult around and called the cops, who came over and found me sleeping
in my messy house.
They took me to jail for two weeks. I got off all the
medications I was taking and moved to my dad’s house. I had lost
everything. They took my kids from me. It’s now been two years, and I
have finally found a doctor who listens and has been kind to me, after
seeing a lot of uninformed doctors who didn't listen when I told them
the medications they prescribed were not controlling my symptoms.
I am now stable, and taking medications that work for
me. Sometimes I need to take life minute-by-minute to make it through. I
am a very solitary person now. I don't have many friends but at least I
can depend on myself. For once, I am working full-time, which I can
hardly believe. If my boss were not also a friend, I would never have
survived this job. I think I would have been fired anywhere else. My
boss helped me find strength to make it when I didn't think I would. He
taught me to stand up for myself and not let people walk all over me.
I hope that one day I’ll be able to live without
panic, anger, paranoia and depression. I am, for once, doing things on
my own, though I still have to depend on my mom from time to time when
my highs cause me to over-spend or when I miss work and don't have
enough money to pay my bills. My oldest daughter is back with me full
time and I get visitation with my youngest two. I have made it this far,
and I am working hard to make it farther. I am so thankful to everyone
who has cared enough to help me.
