I had just graduated from high school and was having the best summer of my life before I was to go away to college. I had lost weight and had a great tan and for the first time in my life I felt beautiful. I was not usually a party animal, but that summer, it was as if every day was a party. I had friends over every day and my mundane job at a grocery store seemed fun and exciting.

I suddenly had the confidence to start flirting. There was this one boy from my work who I wanted to attract. I went out of my way to bump into him and chat and flirt as much as possible. I thought he liked me a lot too, and as summer went on I found myself head-over-heels in love with him. I decided I was not going to go to college in the fall just so I could be with him.

About half way through the summer it happened. I guess it started with my first date with the boy. It was actually a group date, at a bar. I was underage but was able to get in and drank a lot of alcohol, which was very out-of-character for me. I remember mumbling to him about how I was going to save the world someday, and at the time I honestly felt like I could. I felt like the hottest, most powerful thing on the planet. Then I told him that if he asked me to stay, I wouldn’t leave town at the end of the summer. Looking back, I think that really freaked him out, but I was almost in a manic state by then and I saw only what I wanted to see. He promised he would call me the following night and we would talk.

The next day I had the weirdest sensations. I felt something calling me, leading me to be a religious leader and save the world. I made up my mind that after I worked a closing shift at the store that night, I wouldn’t go home. I wasn’t sure where I’d go, I’d just drive. I drove for several hours, then ran into some work friends who knew something was wrong with me, but they couldn’t say or do anything that would calm me down. They left me, but I could tell they were worried.

Then I decided to go to the boy’s house. I pulled into his driveway and blasted a CD I had made with songs that I felt certain were written for us. I left when a neighbor came out to complain. I drove back to my neighborhood but didn’t want to go home. I suddenly hated my parents and felt that they would stand in the way of my fulfilling my destiny. In the dark of night I went into the park and sat on a bench for four or five hours, convinced that my "army" had followed me there and were hiding in the bushes. Then I drove around the city a little more, slept for about an hour and went to work at 8:00.

At work I kept hearing things, seeing things and sensing things that weren’t there. There was something very wrong with me but I didn’t know what it was and neither did anybody else. I just felt like I had to get away from my parents. So, I got two of my friends to come to my house with me and help me move out, with my parents yelling and questioning every move. They had been worried sick about me the night before, but I hadn’t cared.

I stayed at a friend’s house that night. Before I went to bed I sent out about a dozen e-mails to friends and family explaining that a war was coming and they should be prepared. I also felt that the computer was sending me messages telling me I had millions of dollars and I didn’t need to worry about money.

The next evening I bought $1000 worth of clothes, about $500 worth of other knick-knacks, including a $300 Walkman. After work I went to go meet my friends who tried to explain to me that something was wrong. One of them had also talked to the boy and found out he was seeing someone else. When I heard this I became terribly angry and stormed off. I walked along the street throwing my belongings away in an angry march. I couldn’t understand why my friends didn’t see that the boy and I were going to get married and save the world.

Then I ran into a strange man who talked to me and asked me where I wanted to go. I told him I wanted to go to the boy’s house, which was quite a long walk away. He took me there, calming me down and just talking to me as if everything was fine. To this day I do not know who that man was. At the boy’s house I banged on the door and rang the doorbell. He wasn’t home but his mom was. About two minutes later he came home and looked at me angrily. I honestly couldn’t believe he wasn’t elated to see me. He basically told me to leave and I shouldn’t be there. Before I could leave, police arrived. His mom had called them because I had frightened her. I wouldn’t go peacefully, so the police had to wrestle me to the ground and cuff me. About 10 minutes later they uncuffed me and drove me to the hospital.

There I saw a series of doctors, two psychiatrists and one medical doctor. They admitted me to the hospital psychiatric ward. I was later diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I didn’t understand what this meant for the first few weeks in the hospital, because it took me a week or two to come down from my mania and stop having psychotic thoughts. For some reason I felt the need to send a card to every person I knew saying I was all right. While I was in the hospital I spent about another $1000 in the gift shop on things I felt that I HAD to have like reflective tape and a pumice stone (???). They put me on an antispsychotic and later put me on a mood stabilizer. I was released and went back home after a month.