Gerri
Learning to cope

I lived the first 27 years of my life in a small town in Illinois with very limited mental health resources. After I was raped when I was 12, my parents took the advice of my school guidance counselor and arranged for me to see a visiting counselor in our school. That's when I was first told that I had bipolar disorder.

I became pregnant at 15. After my son was born during my junior year of high school, my doctor told me that I didn’t have bipolar disorder. He said I had postpartum depression and that I should "go out and have fun."

My second child was born when I was 19, and I was put on an antidepressant to help with my migraines and postpartum depression. I had been on and off of the antidepressant for 5 years when my new doctor started getting really concerned about my excessive mood swings. After I spent about 2 months filling out mood questionnaires, my doctor sent me to a psychiatrist.

It has been a rough ride. I attempted suicide a few times and was admitted to the psychiatric ward. Sometimes, during a depressed cycle, I feel hopeless and I get angry that I cannot lead a "normal" life and I fear that my children are the ones being hurt the most. They are now being evaluated for bipolar disorder, too. But I am taking it day by day, and trying to learn to cope and do the best I can with the hand I was dealt.