Deirdre
Seeing everything clearly

I am 50 years old, and taking the mood questionnaire on this website may have saved my life. I have had problems all my life - severe depression at age 14, problems in later adolescence and by the time I was 30, I had to seek help for severe panic attacks. By that time, I was abusing alcohol just to be able to go to work. At age 40, I was hospitalized for major depression and anxiety disorder after a suicide attempt. I recently found out that at that time, the head psychiatrist had diagnosed me with bipolar, but another psychiatrist changed that diagnosis to major depressive disorder.

After that, the alcohol problem got worse. I could not leave the house and went through several periods of suicidal thoughts. I finally asked my doctor to give me medication to quit drinking about two years ago. I realized that I wasn't solving my underlying problems, but I knew I was out of control and had to do something. My antidepressant dose was doubled at that time and within a few months I was constantly in a state of euphoria, spending money like crazy and losing my temper for no reason, something I had never noticed before. After I had what I believe was a psychotic episode, my doctor put me on vitamin therapy. That didn't help and the next two years were a series of ups and downs.

This year I was suicidal again. I saw a commercial about bipolar disorder on TV went online, and took the Mood Disorder Questionnaire. Then I immediately made an appointment with a psychiatrist and have now been officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I started taking an anticonvulsant/mood stabilizer last week and already feel a huge difference.

I know the average time for a correct diagnosis is 10+ years, but I am sure in my case, my alcohol abuse made my symptoms confusing. Since substance and alcohol abuse are common in people with this disorder, many other people must have this problem as well. For instance, my grandiose ideas and feelings of self-importance were blamed on the alcohol. Other clues that were missed were the fact that my mother has bipolar disorder, and had several episodes during my teen years. The effects of doubling my antidepressant should have been another clue.

Having this disorder also explains why my parents said I didn't sleep for the first year and a half of life. They took me to doctors constantly, but the doctors could never find anything wrong. And now research is showing that children with bipolar disorder are reported to have sleeping problems in infancy.

When I first realized all these things, I felt angry at all the doctors, but now I am just looking forward to a "normal" life from now on. Or at least more normal life than I had before. And it seems that the only side effect so far from the new medicine is that I can now see without my glasses, after wearing them for 43 years. I still have difficulty believing that one!