I'm 51, the father of 2 young boys and recently divorced. I have an adult son from an earlier marriage who I have just begun to get to know. I've also been sober for 13 years.

For 20 years I got drunk every day and slept a pretty consistent 3 hours a night for days at a time. I thought - doesn't everybody? Sometimes I'd get up at 4 a.m. and vacuum the cobwebs in the house. I couldn't understand my wife's problems with that. The drink and the sleep deprivation kept the noise level down in my head and slowed me down for the most part. I also had terrible "downs" when I couldn't get anything done and could sleep a day away.

I also had a noise problem with my mouth that got me into trouble. There was always too much to do and while I almost never completed tasks, I kept throwing myself at them as though I could. I always had multiple projects going at once.

Somehow I've kept my job for nearly 25 years, and I marvel at that. Of late I realize: In my life of chaos, I am the common denominator. When I was newly sober, a therapist directed me to see a psychiatrist about my "possible mood disorder". I hated what I heard. I fought with my diagnosis and the prescribed medication until I decided to take myself off of it. Life got out of control again.

Today, I’ve been on medication for some time. I'm still sober, I actually sleep at night and I haven't lost my mind or my job despite the divorce. I'm still not very accepting of my illness, but I know in my gut that this is what I have to do. I have much fewer suicidal thoughts and much less erratic behavior too. My life is so much better today, but I still fight with labeling myself, still fight with the medication. I have tried to adjust the dosage on my own, with less than pleasant results.