As a teenager, I was an over-achieving, intelligent, talented and active girl. But there was another side of me that very much affected my life. I was also a self-loathing, angry, confused, acid-mouthed monster. I had major problems with my family, friends and boyfriends, and my father’s major depressive illness didn’t help my situation.

My pattern of ups and downs continued into my college years full-force. I began my freshman year at one of the largest schools in the nation with a scholarship, which I promptly lost. This was followed by several more years of drug abuse, massive amounts of drinking, many unexplained illnesses and ailments, extreme impulsiveness in dealing with money and sexual relationships as well as self-mutilation and several hospital visits after attempting to solve my problems by taking my own life. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and not knowing how I would feel tomorrow, next week or next year. I spent my normal periods in fear of my next bout of depression or what I didn’t yet know was mania.

I had been treated for depression since adolescence, but at college a doctor diagnosed me with bipolar II disorder, and strangely enough, just having this diagnosis started turning things around for me. I had an answer to why I felt the way I did, why I did some the things I did. It made me feel that maybe I wasn’t some horrible, faulted individual but someone who had a serious, valid medical illness.

Since then, I have started turning myself around. I moved back home for support, started a new school where I have been inducted into an honors program and have worked at the same part-time job for more then eight months, which is a record for me!