I have bipolar disorder along with anxiety/panic
attacks. My disorder started during my childhood and my family did not
understand me or know how to handle me. It was assumed that I was just
an intentionally disobedient child. The types of discipline my parents
used unknowingly aggravated my condition. I don’t blame my family; I
know they only meant to do what was best for me.
I was first diagnosed in my 30’s with ADHD and
personality disorders along with other things. The doctor put me on
antidepressants, which aggravated my bipolar disorder. About four years
later a different psychiatrist re-diagnosed me with rapid cycling
bipolar disorder and changed my medication. I did well for a while until
the medication stopped working. I have gone through several medications
to find the correct one. In the meantime relationships and lifestyle
have been extremely difficult for me.
I have been in the hospital three times. I probably
needed to be there more often. Employment has been almost impossible for
me to maintain. But I have come to accept my disorders and consequences
in life. I have also come to understand my suicidal thoughts and learned
to reach out for help. I carry my toolbox of survival and a way to reach
my crisis team wherever I go. I can only encourage everyone there is
hope and help out there.
